We used to nickname her pumpkin when she was younger

Monday, January 16, 2012

Phoenix rising

Some of you have seen this on my facebook as my profile pic once in a while.  I found this on the net to convey in an image how I felt at times.  It was like I was in either a womb waiting to be reborn and evolve or a prison waiting to die.  I was in nowhere land. A state of in between. If dusk could be a place that's where I was.

I was incubating in this place of darkness, waiting for one outcome or the other...waiting for the emotions to pass, to burst out of this womb or to die within the walls.  Yet the walls were thin enough to see light trying to penetrate through. All the while knowing I could bust out  if only I would make that choice. When I had the strength I would peak out a seam in the walls and see what was out there and at times I would pinch the seam together and stay within.

On New Year's Eve I went for a walk in the woods and came upon the sad pregnant lady tree. I talked to her.  I told her how I desperately wished I could make her happy so that she wouldn't have to be eternally sad.  I told her she should be happy as she is pregnant.  Like a crazy woman in point pleasant park, I am standing there touching her head and her belly crying for her...crying for me. (Luckily it was a cold rainy day and only one person saw me) I realized I was talking to myself.  Not in the mundane sense of thinking aloud but literally talking to a representation of myself.  Yet I didn't understand the pregnant part.  I told her I was once pregnant and had a beautiful daughter and now she is gone.  I cried with the tree lady.  A voice in my heart said "you are also pregnant, you are spiritually pregnant you can hold onto this pregnancy in your eternal sadness or you can give birth to what you have growing inside of you."

I realized, all the while I was incubating in the cocoon, I was also incubating something within me. I decided at that moment I would bust out of the walls of the cocoon and not have the fate of the sad tree lady.  I will welcome what ever it is that I am going to give birth to.  So today I received another strong message to let go of the old ways of thinking, the old patterns of behavior and to embrace this new creative energy brewing inside of me. I know this message was from Alysia today, the circumstances too magickal to  ignore.  She wants me to rise out of the ashes and embrace this new power within me. And like a phoenix, I stretch my wings, my heart and spirituality engulfed in creative flames. I feel the regenerating energy of the fire. I look this way and that way and I see Alysia there with me, ready to guide me. I feel a whole new me reborn with memories of the old me so that I do not forget what brought me to those ashes, what brought me to a place of rebirth.  Soon when I have the complete strength, I will flap those wings aflame with creativity, power, and spirituality and fly. The wind from my flight scattering the ashes below to feed the earth for another type of growth.  Those ashes are a part of me and those ashes will provide food for other living beings to grow.


  1. Beautifully said - am glad you are feeling the beginnings of this creative strength, am looking forward to seeing what the future will bring.
    Hugs and peace from the valley!

  2. Thank you Pia,

    I hope this creative energy I'm feeling expresses itself beautifully. :)


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