We used to nickname her pumpkin when she was younger

Friday, September 16, 2011

Just when life was getting easier.

The weather in Halifax, NS is not the best for most of the year... It is too complicated to get into but suffice it to say that my life had, more often than not, been an uphill battle that left me wondering if I had the strength to continue the fight for a life of happiness. Like the weather in Halifax, the sun does eventually appear and my life was finally starting to feel like it was on the right track. In early July I was loving/trusting life. I felt that I had a consistent year of good things in my life. I was truly feeling blessed.

Then on July 25th, 2011 my doorbell rang at 6am and my partner Katie got up and answered the door. She came back in to tell me two policemen were at the door and needed to talk to me. (As I type this my heart squeezes into a semi state of anxiety) I went to the living room and they told me to sit down. I thought something had happened to my mother, or my exhusband Tom or anyone else but Alysia but I looked deep into the officer's eyes and I knew right then what he was going to tell me. "I am sorry to say your daughter passed away of cardiac arrest in her sleep in the early morning."

Did I hear him right? Did time stop? Am I dreaming? Where am I? Who are these men? What are they asking me?

-Drugs? No, no real drugs. Maybe a little weed once in a while but no.

Did he say there was no physical trauma? Ok that's good. Did he say it wasn't intentional? That's good too. Did he say she just passed away in her sleep? I guess that's a good way to go.

Later that day I went to Point Pleasant Park with Katie. I don't know why. I felt like I was suffocating in the apartment. I got in the car and thought..."this isn't too bad. I can handle this." In hindsight I realize that I was in shock. We went to the park and I cried but I still didn't feel the brunt of it...that was to come, still is to come in so many different ways. It's been almost 8 weeks since she passed away, and so much has happened. I will try to post short blogs so not to overwhelm myself or you. For if you are reading this you have also either lost Alysia (Lia, pikachu, pumpkin, kitten) yourself or have found this randomly on the net because you searched for someone else who lost their only child. May God bless your beautiful hurting souls. Maybe you are just here because you know me and are wanting to understand what I am going through, how I am coping and to you I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know you do this not out of curiosity but because you care.

I want to thank from every particle of my being, Katie, who has been an incredible rock in my life. You are beautiful my love.

Finally I want to say that this will not all be sad as I want to assure you that I have had some amazing moments of peace and connectivity to Alysia and God in the past 8 weeks. There is hope...there is hope.


1 comment:

  1. This is a start, Trish. It hopefully will help you thru this hard time. I will be following this along with you and maybe make a comment from time to time


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